Keep An Open Heart In Your Marriage
Marriage is ever changing. There are many things that happen within your lives together that influence and change you over time. When you first start out in your life as a couple it is all about the two of you. You could talk for hours and endlessly listen to each and every word. You are curious and wanting to know more about the one you love so you ask great questions to learn even more. You are open to the very essence of each other. That’s marriage with an open heart.
As your relationship grows, each of you begins to relax and get more comfortable with each other. You begin to see that there are other things that need your time such as family and your job. Your mind gets filled up everyday with various forms of communication. This causes a shift in your marriage. You become less focused on each other. This is normal and happens in most marriages. Everything else becomes the priority and focus. Get your marriage back on track by having a marriage with an open heart.
The key is to remember that marriage and the relationship you have with your spouse is the most important relationship that exists in your life. In order to keep the love alive, stay open to each other through having a marriage with an open heart. There is always something new you can learn about each other. The road back is to get back to making your marriage a priority.
Notice the clues that your spouse gives you daily. If you are open to them, you will find out what is happening on the inside – pay attention to what they need from you – from a marriage – from a relationship. There are clues in body language, what is not said, the way something is said, and so on. Being open to the love of your life allows the space between you to close and creates understanding. Be open to each other’s thoughts. Be open to each other’s concerns. Be open to each other’s needs. Make them know that they are a priority to you. In return, they will be open to you. That is you will have a marriage with an open heart.
Everlasting Love
1. Play together. There is science behind the adage that “Couples who play together, stay together.” In a series of ingenious experiments, psychologist Art Aron and his colleagues have shown that couples who share exciting, exhilarating activities together—such as going rock climbing or riding roller coasters—experience an increase in their sense of closeness and relationship satisfaction. Not just any activity will do, though; it’s important that couples play in ways that are physically arousing, according to Aron.
2. Crack more jokes. People in many satisfied relationships point to humor as a key to their longevity. Humor benefits both individuals and relationships by helping to relieve stress, defusing tension that might otherwise lead to conflict, and even allowing people to bring up topics that would be difficult to discuss otherwise.
3. Learn to listen. Listening is a skill at which almost all of us overestimate our ability. More than just hearing what another person is saying, listening involves investing the energy to understand and remember another person’s message and then to respond to that message in an appropriate and effective way. That’s tougher than it sounds—but because listening is a skill, it can be improved through practice.
4. Say you love each other more often. This resolution comes from my own lab, where we find that both receiving and expressing messages of affection improves the health of close relationships—as well as the health of the individuals in them. If you’re already an affectionate person, step up your game in the new year…and if you generally shy away from affection, resolve to express affection to someone at least once a day, in a way that feels comfortable to you.
5. Find a faith. Research tells us that couples who are active in a religious faith are more satisfied and more committed to their relationship than couples who are not, irrespective of which religious tradition they follow. If a faith life appeals to you, consider establishing or renewing bonds with a faith community. If religion isn’t for you, consider a commitment to a cause that matters to you, such as rescuing abandoned animals or helping people displaced by natural disasters. The content and focus of your commitment are less important than the fact that you engage your commitment together.
6. Put away the cell phone. Communication technology is a boon for maintaining social relationships, but it can interfere with intimate ones. New research shows that even the presence of a cell phone during a face-to-face conversation—even if it’s never touched—reduces people’s satisfaction with that conversation. It may seem innocuous simply to lay your phone on the table while talking to your partner, but its visible presence can send the message that your attention could be diverted from your partner at any moment.
7. Forgive. For many people, this is undoubtedly the most difficult Relationship Resolution on the list. In close relationships, however, we sometimes hurt each other, whether intentionally or accidentally. Resolve to let go of the hurt that others have caused you. Holding onto disappointments and transgressions only hurts you and your relationship more, so learn to forgive. Forgiveness won’t happen instantaneously when the calendar switches to 2014…but it’s a process you can resolve to begin.
Not all of these Relationship Resolutions will help every person or every relationship, so pick and choose the ones most relevant to you, and add others. In the long run, what you do is probably less important than the fact that you direct energy and attention to your relationship in the first place. Doing so will help you make the new year a happy and prosperous one.