Want To Know How Kids Look At Marriage?

Tuesday June 28, 2011 By admin

WHAT KIDS SAY ABOUT LOVE AND MARRIAGE

The Interestingly Honest Things Kids Say About Marriage

From an interview:

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

— Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

— Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

— Camille, age 10

3. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

— Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

— Martin, age 10

4. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.

— Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

– Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

– Howard, age 8

5. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

— Anita, age 9

6. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?

— Kelvin, age 8

7. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.

— Ricky, age 10

The thing about the interview with the kids about marriage is that kids have a great sense of how marriage works – I love the last question and answer from Ricky – “tell her she is pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck – so simple but so true!

On a personal note- as a kid I believed what Howard did- if you kiss someone you have to marry them because it is a law. Which one did you believe as a kid?

Marriage Tip: Discover Each Other’s Love Language

Monday October 4, 2010 By admin

Discovering Your Spouse’s Love Language

One of the simplest ways to discover your spouse’s love language is to listen to his or her complaints.

by Gary Chapman

If the key to meeting your spouse’s need for emotional love is learning to speak his or her love language, how can you discover what that love language is? It’s simple. Listen to your spouse’s complaints. Here are five common complaints and the love language that each reveals:

“You mean you didn’t bring me anything? Did you even miss me while you were gone?” (receiving gifts)

“We never spend any time with each other anymore. We’re like two ships passing in the dark.” (quality time)

“I don’t think you would ever touch me if I didn’t initiate it.” (physical touch)

“I can’t do anything right around here. All you ever do is criticize. I can never please you.” (words of affirmation)

“If you loved me, you would do something around here. You never lift a finger to help.” (acts of service)

Typically, when our spouse complains, we get irritated. But he or she is actually giving us valuable information. Complaints often reveal the key to our spouse’s inner longing for emotional love. If we learn our mate’s primary love language – and speak it – we will have a happier spouse and a better marriage.

But what if your spouse’s primary love language is something that isn’t easy for you to do? What if you’re not a touchy-feely person but your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch? The answer is simple, though not necessarily easy: You learn to speak the language of physical touch. You learn to speak a new love language by trying.

At first it might be very difficult, but the second time will be easier, and the third time even easier. Eventually, you can become proficient in speaking your mate’s love language; and if he or she reciprocates by speaking your language, the two of you will keep emotional love alive in your marriage.

My files are filled with letters from people who tell me that learning their spouse’s primary love language revolutionized their marriage. For example, Rick, a 33-year-old truck driver who has been married for 12 years, wrote, “After I discovered [my wife’s] love language, it helped me to understand why she had been saying that I didn’t love her. I knew I loved her, and I told her all the time. The problem was that her love language is acts of service, and I never did anything to help her around the house. I guess I followed my dad’s example – but then Mom and Dad never had a very good marriage, either. Now I try to do things for Brenda when I’m home. It has made a great difference in our marriage.”

Rick’s wife, Brenda, wrote, “We were having serious problems and were talking about separating. … Then Rick and I started talking about our relationship. I learned that his love language is words of affirmation. Here I had been criticizing him because I didn’t feel loved by him, but all along I was only making him feel worse and didn’t know it. Now he speaks my language and I speak his. We went from a very wintry season to a warm spring or summer season.” Understanding your spouse’s primary love language – and learning to speak it – can make a world of difference in your marriage.

What if your spouse is unwilling to read a book about marriage or discuss your marriage? With marriages in the fall and winter seasons, this is often the case. One spouse becomes concerned enough about the marriage to read a book, attend a seminar or go for counseling, while the other spouse is unwilling to do anything.

This is when unconditional love becomes exceedingly important. It is easy to love your spouse when your spouse is loving you. It is easy to say kind words to your spouse when he or she is treating you kindly. But even if your spouse is unwilling to try or to reciprocate, unconditional love means that you will choose to love your spouse in his or her primary love language.

Although unconditional love is difficult, it is the kind of love that God has for us. Romans 5:8 says that God loved us “while we were still sinners” and sent Christ to die for us. Scripture also says that we love God “because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Therefore, when you choose to love your spouse unconditionally, you are following God’s example. And if you ask God, He will give you the ability to do it.

In Romans 5:5 the apostle Paul says, “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” Likewise, when you pour out your love by speaking your spouse’s love language, you are doing the most emotionally powerful thing you can do. Your spouse desperately needs emotional love from you. As your spouse’s love tank begins to fill, there is a good chance that he or she will begin to reciprocate.

A full love tank creates a positive atmosphere in which you and your spouse can talk about your differences more easily and negotiate solutions to your conflicts. I have seen many hard, cold men and women melt when they begin to receive love in their love language. Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. It can thaw the coldest of winters and bring the blossoms of spring to your marriage.

A Loving Relationship Helps You To Change And Grow

Monday October 4, 2010 By Debbie

Relationship Helps You Grow Expansively As An Individual

Changing And Growing In A Loving Relationship

Relationships change us for the better by the growth we experience inside ourselves.

“I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.”

~Wayne Dyer

One of the most frustrating things to deal with in a loving relationship, is trying to get the person we love to change to make our life easier and match the expectations we have around love and being loved. This really came to light yesterday while I was speaking to a Newlywed couple, helping them with a relationship issue they were experiencing. I love Newlyweds. They are discovering and learning so much as they make the transition from dating, being engaged, to husband and wife. Newlyweds have combined their lives, furniture, money, families and friends.So much has happened to then since becoming married that they often don’t see just how far they have come. The changes have happened on the inside and a loving relationship helps us to grow in so many ways.

Often times couples equate those changes as wrong or unsettling. You see not so long ago you were making individual decisions. Now you are considering your spouses thoughts and feelings. If you don’t that could cause severe problems. You have to see the “We” and work towards going through life together, side by side. You know you have your own way of doing things. Your spouse has their own way of doing things too. This is your perspective and approach to life based on all you have learned and experienced so far. Instead of getting into a Power Struggle, discover your spouse’s perspective and make a change inside yourself to be open to their thoughts and ideas – their perspective. There are no rights or wrongs, your side vs, my side. Together come up with the best approach and solution.

Make every day count. Spend the time you have enjoying each other. Bringing out the best parts of each other. Decide which changes you can make to yourself – such as releasing control over the way laundry is done, furniture is polished, and so on. Love each other for the real person that lives inside. We are all a work in progress. Instead of trying to change the very person you fell in love with, control what goes on inside. This is what makes a loving relationship.

Take Five Every Day For Your Relationship

Tuesday September 28, 2010 By Debbie

Take Five Minutes Every Day To Connect With Your Spouse

How to revive your relationship in 5 Minutes starting today!

Life just keeps on moving and in the process, sucks you in until the day is completely gone. There will always be more to do. There will always be things that come up out of the blue – even if you try to plan for the unknown. It’s easy to put your love life on hold as you try to manage the new crisis such as getting a battery for your car because the old one gave it up today, finding a plumber to fix that leak that has gotten bigger and now ruined the carpet. Believe me when I tell you that every day life is full of unknowns.

Today, slow it all down and make a promise to do something for your relationship and love life each and every day. Take five and start a new ritual when your spouse comes home today. Put everything aside. Let the worries of the day disappear for just five minutes. You know that they really won’t go anywhere but you have to put your full focus into these take five minutes. Wrap your arms around the one you love and continue a tender, warm embrace. Sometimes that will be the best thing that has happened to your spouse all day.

Then find a quiet spot for the two of you and just listen to your spouse with all your attention and focus. Really listen. Resist the temptation to let your thoughts drift to what you need to do. The thing is that you don’t need to do anything but listen. Give them a chance to share. It will feel awkward at first but let there be silence for a few seconds until they get used to this. Then after you have shown your interest by asking questions or adding a great comment, take your turn to share.

You will be amazed at what this does for your relationship. Take five every day every day for the next 30 days and then you will see amazing results and a little more romance. Give it a full 30 days. Remember – it is only five minutes. You will set the tone for the whole evening, feel closer and connected, and working towards understanding each other more fully. Let me know what changes took place and how this improved your communication and more importantly how you and your spouse felt connected.

Can Money Really Buy You Love?

Monday September 13, 2010 By admin

Money Is A Hot Issue For Couples

alt="Money Is A Hot Issue For Couples"

Money and Marriage . . . think about it as assets and liabilities not as a topic that creates problems for the two of you!

I was raised by my grandparents with their old time, common sense platitudes on just about every subject. I don’t remember us being poor, although by today’s standards we were, because we always got by with what we had and lived around other people who did likewise. Occasionally a fancy car would drive through our neighborhood with well heeled people inside which would cause my grandmother to sagely shake her finger at me and ruminate the two old adages “Money can’t buy happiness” and “Money is the root of all evil.” Money is a hot issue for couples.

She was right of course. She almost always was about everything. Since I have lived many decades since her passing, I have observed, first hand, examples of her rich lessons many times. Multi-million dollar lottery winners that have destroyed their lives,and countless members of the rich and famous that have self destructed with personal tragedy abound and seem to be in the media almost daily. I’ve learned that rich people have no more guarantee of personal happiness than any of the rest of us. But, money, or the lack of it, is the quintessential cause of most problems in a relationship among those of us who can’t count ourselves as part of the social elite. Let’s face it, money may be the root of all evil, but lack of money can hardly be considered a blessing.

Today, with unemployment at record levels throughout society and no job secure from the fallout of corporate downsizing, financial problems are a very real possibility for20all of us. I suppose the real lesson my grandparents taught me was that you could be happy in life without many of the intrinsic things that we believe are the cornerstones of our happiness. If a couple can agree on realistic values then they have a fighting chance of getting through the hard financial times that seem to occasionally infect our lives like bouts of influenza. I always believe that the first order of business is to make a list with two columns, side by side. One is “assets” and the other “liabilities”. Assets are the things you need for personal survival and peace of mind. They are worth something more than money alone. A couple should examine this one carefully and agree completely upon what is a necessary asset and what is not.

Admittedly, it’s hard to give up those creature comforts that we have become addicted to in the name of happiness.You both have to be on the same page on this one or trouble will manifest itself in short order. Is that slick B M W with the $640 dollar a month payment really necessary or would a Chevy with better gas mileage be a more realistic answer? Is a private school for the kids realistic and is taking the bus to and from school instead of being driven everyday going to destroy and traumatize their entire childhood? How many times can you eat out at a nice restaurant and go to expensive events nowadays? If your going to cook more often now you need an agreement on the daily chores that come with this decision. Same with doing the laundry over sending clothes out to be cleaned. You will be spending more time together at home now and sharing that time can be better or worse depending on your attitudes and temperament. Everyone will be required to make more personal sacrifice to keep things running smooth in your family and that can be unpleasant if you can’t at least agree on the basics.

My wife tells me she would be happy living with me in a tent. I adore her for that, but in reality, I know it isn’t true. We all need some things around us to reaffirm our humanity and validate our aspirations in life. Especially as we get older as my wife and I are now. Choosing what they are must be made with mutual agreement. We both agree that she and I would be k in an apartment or a mobile home if it came to that even though it would not be out of choice.

“Liabilities”are the other half of the equasion.They are those things that will bring you down if given the chance. Things you embrace because of vanity or the illusion of necessity that actually cost you more than they are really worth. When unnecessary trips to the mall and other venues put a strain on already overburdened high interest credit cards, they are a liability. Probably, if you look at the situation objectively, so are the credit cards. Do you really need several in your wallet to be happy? Expensive club memberships and overpriced gifts are liabilities too. The worst thing you can do is try to “keep up with the Jones’s” as Grandma used to say. Sure that shiny new car in the neighbors driveway looks fantastic, but yours runs fine and is paid for. If you try to match your friends and neighbors step for step, your committing financial suicide.You will have to be smarter than that to see the finish line together.

If you constantly argue over money your wasting valuable energy and time on things that, if you both can come to agreement on, can bring a cohesiveness to your relationship. You may just find out what my grandparents learned from life… that real and lasting love isn’t found in the numbers on an inflated account balance. Nor can you buy it, no matter how high your credit score. Don’t let money issues become a hot topic for the two of you.

David Rivera

What You Can DO For Your Relationship

Wednesday July 28, 2010 By admin

Relationship Do’s

alt="What You Can DO For Your Relationship"

So many times we focus on the negative habits with the ones we love. We get into a routine of pointing out the flaws. We need to stop ourselves from this pattern. This is one thing that pushes the one you love farther away from you. The fact is what we really want is connection and acceptance. We want to bring the other person closer to us.

Try these things everyday:

Start out each day with a kind word before each of you goes out the door.

Send a text saying that you were thinking about them.

Make sure that when you see each other for the first time at the end of the day, you take the time to embrace and connect. Everything else can wait.

At the end of the evening say something positive such as I really appreciate the help you gave me tonight or thank you for listening to me – I really needed that.

Just hold hands, touch toes, connect physically in some way. The sense of touch is so powerful and can heal hurts and bring us so much closer.

Don’t accept settling into a pattern or routine everyday. Mix things up. Be playful, Seductive. Exciting. New.

Keep the intimacy alive!

Don’t Waste Time on He Said She Said

Friday July 9, 2010 By admin

Discover As Much As You Can About Each Other

alt="Discover As Much As You Can About Each Other"

In working with couples, I am aware that so many times there is such a disconnect with what your partner is trying to tell you and what you really hear. Just thinking about a recent client reminds me that her definition of a word is so different from her husbands. This will create real trouble in your relationship. First of all, you will never feel that your partner understands you. Over time those misunderstandings turn in to resentment. You could begin to feel as if the entire Grand canyon has come between the two of you. Here’s a simple process to help you from becoming worlds apart.

Whenever you are trying to be heard and understood on a certain topic, ask your spouse for their thoughts on what you just said. This gives you an opportunity to explain the way you look at things again. Then ask what they got from those words. Knowing their perspective is valuable to understanding your spouse. It keeps you close and connected.

Next, recognize the opportunity to gain insight into how your spouse feels about this issue. Ask questions such as – did your family always do things that way or Gee, I never thought about that way . . . keep processing this info so that you become closer and closer to understanding and accepting one another.

No one likes to be criticized for the way they think or the perspective they have on things.

Enjoy discovering as much as you can about each other. This one tip will bring you closer and more intimate every day.

She Wants A Divorce, Now What?

Friday April 16, 2010 By admin

When She Uses The Word D-I-V-O-R-C-E

alt="When She Uses The Word D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

Just thinking about a divorce can make even the strongest man fall to his knees in disbelief. Its not that you are not strong. It’s not as if you didn’t make any mistakes in your relationship. You know that you did. It’s just that you never thought things would end. Especially in such a final, formal way. Oh sure sometimes you didn’t listen, you forgot to keep your promises, and you were too busy at times too. You also knew that things were less than ideal for both of you. But you stuck it out.

Now it seems as if your whole world is falling apart. You are losing your best friend and confidant. Something is gone. You don’t feel the same inside. You are fearful of what will come next. You were caught off guard.

The thing is that unless one of you had said no more . . .nothing could ever change. There would be the same arguments. Same problems. Same distance in your relationship.

When you first get the news that she wants a divorce don’t panic or ignore the meaning behind the words. Instead take action. The action you need to take is to get back to the strongest you possible. Don’t freeze. Move forward. Absolutely no pleading and begging. That won’t work. If you stop and think about it, you have a unique opportunity right now to get to the source of all the discontent. Believe me when I tell you that is yet to come.

For now it is time to find out what was happening to you. What are your thoughts about the relationship. This is your perspective. Don’t discuss your perspective with her. You are formulating your perspective, your point of view. All the while you are picking yourself up and moving forward in the direction of change and most importantly hope. Never give up. I tell all the men that I coach, that it is not over till it is over. The story has not ended.

I never give up hope for a marriage. I know that things can be repaired and made even better than before. For now have hope. Hope for what is to come. Hope to add to the story of the two of you in a better way. Hope for love. Hope for you.

Now every day make the decision to

Great Relationship Tip #6. Be Carefree

Wednesday April 14, 2010 By admin

Loosen Up And Be Irresponsible With Your Partner –

Tap Into Your Fun Side

alt="Loosen Up And Be Irresponsible With Your Partner - Tap In To Your Fun Side"

The title of this great relationship tip will throw some people off because it appears as if you are being asked to be irresponsible as in not caring about anything. This is not the meaning, the meaning of this tip is that it is good for your relationship if you have a day or an evening or another time acting silly and not being so much of a grown up. Forget all of your responsibilities and your education level and just go out and have some spontaneous fun, fun that doesn’t require intense thought and dedication. Time to loosen up and be irresponsible with your partner – tap into your fun side.

It helps for everyone to be able to let go every now and then and if you don’t you will just regret the missed opportunity for a long time. When we talk about being carefree as a great relationship tip this does not mean to go out and be careless around other people or destroy someone’s good time at a movie or dinner. This means that you go do an activity together that requires no thought or intellectual investment and you don’t think about it one iota.

Every single day is full of responsibilities and duties and long, never ending “To Do” Lists. Just let it all go – it will be there when you return. Forget your usual need to plan every detail. Life is short and sometimes it just calls for us to lose ourselves in each other and enjoy the time we have together.

Think back to some of the things you dis together that made you laugh so hard- well you know the rest. Enjoy each other. Let yourself go if even for a few hours.

Then once your time out from life for a few hours is over – you can go back to your normal routine, but it I guarantee that you will do so with a renewed energy and motivation and renewed love for each other. Try it and let me know what you did to be irresponsible and carefree.

Great Relationship Tip #5. Have a Special Place You Can Be Together

Monday April 12, 2010 By admin

Where Is Your Special Place You Have Together?

Find That Special Place That Is Just For the Two Of You

alt="Where Is Your Special Place You Have Together"

This may seem obvious and you may be asking yourself right now if everyone is living together in their relationship or if it is just you. Having a place together is a great relationship tip not in reference to your home or apartment that you live in together, but in relationship to the one place you enjoy going together outside of your home more than any other. This place could be a vacation spot or a spot in town where a major relationship development occurred or any other spot that is meaningful to the both of you. Do you have a special place you have together that is just for the two of you?

The reason that having a place together is a great relationship tip is because it is a place you can go repeatedly and not think about anyone or anything else. Your relationship takes center stage in this place and you don’t have to worry about anything else that has happened or will happen. Once you go there you will know that the only thing that matters is you and the significant other that you spend your time with.

One of the most important things for you to remember with your special place is that it needs to remain yours away from all others at all costs. If you recommend this place to others only do so for trips for them, not including you. Once you take someone else to your place while you are present it will start to take away from the magical allure of a place of your own.

This special place is a place you can go to to feel connected and there for each other. Remember that it can be anything from a park bench to a special restaurant. Could be the place you met. Where you went on your first date. A safe place made for you.

Great Relationship Tip #4. Get Over Yourself

Saturday April 10, 2010 By admin

alt="great relationship tip"

Great Relationship #4

A relationship is formed when two people become one in heart, mind, body and soul – a couple. While this is the goal and this is what most people truly believe is best, it is difficult because of the fact that there are still two physical and emotional individuals involved. This process of becoming one can only happen when both people are ready to ease up on needing things as an individual and see the bigger picture of giving of ourselves to your spouse what they need. This is a change in thinking more than anything else where your spouse is considered in your actions and decisions.

A great relationship tip is to keep your emotional intimacy close by sharing your inner thoughts with each other. That way when you have had an argument or know that one is about to take place you can talk it out before it ignites. Discuss why a certain thing that was said or done made you upset and how you wish it would be handled in the future. Don’t make it personal or accuse someone of being out to get you, just let them know that it made you feel bad or upset and you would like it to be handled different in the future.

In keeping your relationship close and connected you will become more as a couple that you never knew or thought possible before in your life. This could defuse a great many arguments before they even happen and make both people more likely to enjoy the little things on a daily basis. In the end, the payoff for achieving this type of approach has in mutual respect and understanding can’t be understood in any way, shape or form unless you try it yourself.

Great Relationship Tip #3. Don’t Debate

Saturday April 3, 2010 By admin

Regardless of if you just have it in your blood to do so or you were the captain of the school’s debate team, debate should not be something that enters your relationship on a regular basis. Anything that creates friction and conjures up hard feelings that just aren’t necessary should be removed as soon as is possible. Relationships will have enough of these moments and feelings as it is, extra arguments are not needed in even the healthiest of relationships.

This becomes even more of an issue if you know that you two reside on different sides of a very heated topic like abortion or religion. These topics should only be broached to see what your feelings are and inquire as to what the thought process or experience was that made the approach happen. Don’t ever try to sway your partner to one side or the other because this will only end up backfiring in the end.

Great relationships aren’t built off of the common ground in all religious or political debates, it is built on mutual respect and understanding. If you know that you can have a grown-up conversation about why you feel a certain way about a certain topic that is one thing, but entering a conversation knowing that it will be an ugly argument is quite another. Stay away from debate in your relationship as much as possible.

« Previous Page