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Understanding Your Spouse

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Closeness Comes From Giving Understanding

Understanding your spouse has become something that is rarely done because of the misconception of what it actually means.  So many people have started to believe that if you are understanding your spouse you are in effect letting them get away with something that may otherwise be unacceptable.  This is not true, understanding your spouse is all about giving them the credit that is due for being who they are. You actually were great about doing this at the beginning of the relationship.

If your husband does not like to be bothered by yard work then it is not ok to start calling them a lazy bum and insulting his work ethic (yes, I have had couples who have said this to each other).  Try to understand why it is that they don’t like to do the yard work, you may just learn something about your partner you didn’t know.  Sometimes the resistance to physical labor doesn’t have much to do with the labor but the process of performing the work and something that happened in their past.

If your wife enjoys watching reality shows that try to play matchmaker don’t sit around making fun of the unintelligent characters.  Know that understanding your spouse doesn’t mean that you understand the things they like or do, just that you have to be understanding enough to know that it means something to her.  Understanding your spouse is the most underrated of all of the relationship tips in the world. And yet when you give understanding and acceptance to yourself, it will bring about the closeness and connection where you feel the most love flowing between the two of you.

Understanding and Accepting Your Spouse

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Chris & Jessica Engagement - Falling
Photo by AuzigogIf your marriage has any chance of surviving the test of time then you must make sure one thing is accomplished, understanding and accepting your spouse.  It is no secret that half of all marriages entered into today last through the test of time and there is a very simple reason for this.  The reason is that most people give up on understanding and accepting their spouse and instead start to resent them.

The reason that understanding and accepting your spouse is so difficult is that most people naturally assume that they will find someone that will be able to fit into their lives.  We don’t expect that the love of our life will have some different wants and needs than us so we don’t realize for a while that we must put effort into understanding and accepting our spouses.

Once this time comes so many people don’t want to put effort into changing themselves that the two partners clash and the harm is almost irreparable.  Understanding and accepting your spouse is about realizing that your wants and needs are important, but compromise is even more of a necessity.

When you have come to the realization that understanding and accepting your spouse is important then your marriage will only get better.  You always need to stand up for yourself, but if both partners are willing to compromise the marriage can’t possibly suffer.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

Communication and Your Relationship

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Listening To The One You Love

Sharing Each Other's Life

If you are worried about making your relationship work and you don’t know what else to do you likely just need to focus on one thing, communication.  If you do not have a good amount of communication in your relationship then your relationship is likely on the brink of disaster.  The aspect of communication that is likely to be missing in your relationship is actually listening. Asking questions. Getting a feel for what the love of your life is going through every day. It is important to note that the average couple communicates on average ONLY 12 minutes a day. This includes all forms of communication like texting, email, cell phones, etc.  No wonder you can drift apart. You can turn this all around.  Think back to the days when you talked all night long. Find a happy medium where you are listening and interested in each other’s lives every day.

What are the three main things that kill communication in a relationship?

1.  Stress at work kills the communication level of a relationship because the person being stressed at work shuts down and the other person gets frustrated.  Say you are getting stressed out at work and come home with the “don’t talk to me” attitude, your spouse gets angry and before you know it insults are being         exchanged.

2.   Infidelity, or the appearance of infidelity, is a great communication killer due to the effect it has on the pride of both partners.  The person being accused of  infidelity will become tired of being accused and get frustrated, while the person doing the accusing begins to feel alienated and embarrassed.

3.   Disagreement over having kids will kill the communication in a relationship and make it seem as if partners are on opposite sides of the world.  If you want a baby and your  partner does not, it will make your communication suffer and eventually could end your relationship. Remember that your partner has a  completely different perspective on a situation as you do. Don’t take offense to that . It is a different way of looking at things as you do. Open up the communication with asking about the way they look at having children, for instance, then really listen with an open heart and mind.  The give back your perspective on the subject. Do not attack the way your partner looked at that subject just speak from your perspective only.  Then ask what they think would be best for the two of you. Then give your input as to what would be best for the relationship.  That way you have both been heard. The communication is open and the focus is on the subject not the words where you feel defensive or unheard.

What do you think?

Finding Intimacy and Connection in a Relationship

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A Loving Connection

An Intimate Love

The main reason that most relationships fall apart, and a large reason that many end in infidelity, is that people lose intimacy and connection in a relationship.  It is not a given that everyone will have intimacy and connection in a relationship and just because you have it now doesn’t mean that you will have it later on as the years go by.

If you fear that you are losing intimacy and connection in your relationship one of the first things that you should do is take a break.  Not necessarily a break from each other, but a break from the things in your life that are keeping you distracted and disconnected.  Intimacy and connection in a relationship are hard to have if you don’t have any time together.

One of the things that you will hear from those who have lost the intimacy and connection in their relationship is that they don’t really even like themselves.  They begin to feel unhappy and lost and feel really unloved.  They can’t quite figure out that it is what they are putting out their to their partner is  a needy and negative message. Any good psychologist will tell you that it is almost impossible to have intimacy and connection in a relationship if there is not a love of one’s self from both people in the relationship.

Though it may seem like it is impossible for you to find intimacy and connection in your relationship you may just need to work on the things above to make everything change.  Don’t give up on the possibility of having intimacy and connection in a relationship, with just a little time and effort you can make it happen for yourself. You can have ta very connected and intimate relationship.

Did You Really Hear Me…

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Love

Relationship Tips


Today I had the pleasure of meeting Joe that is engaged and looking forward to married life. We were having a great discussion about relationships. We discussed the difference between men and women since I saw that all too familiar glazed look in his eyes as I was giving him more information than he needed or wanted. I told him that was a common need in women to explain themselves by giving all the details along with the vital bits of info. These details are an important piece of our sharing and communicating as women.  In order to fully feel that we are understood, we must explain exactly what happened, play by play. He laughed and relaxed with me after my long winded explanation. I further explained that as women, we often confuse men by letting them think that we have a problem we want them to solve when we are upset.  Wrong.  We want to be heard.  There is something magical about telling you what happened. You are the safety net and we can vent all that happened on the day to you…you only.  Your listening will actually gain you points as well as help us to sort it all out. Sometimes when we are upset, you may think we are upset with you. Girls this is where you can help your guys out. Start out by telling them that there is no problem for them to solve. Then tell them you are not upset with them. On the contrary. Tell them that you need them to just let them vent. This will be a great stress reducer for both of you. Try it and keep trying it. Believe in your power of love. I know I do.

What is your relationship tip?

Marriage Intensives

Sometimes you get to a place in your marriage where you know you need help. I suggest that you consider attending a 3-Day Marriage Intensive. You willget much farther than one hour a week and be able to dig deeper into what changes can turn your marriage around. Call to discuss your situaltion today to know if a marriage intensive will help you.

Have you been betrayed by your spouses’s affair?

Any type of betrayal is devastating. Affairs are particularly painful for many reasons. You feel violtaed and hurt. Affairs cause the very foundation your marriage is built on to be shaky and the future seems very uncertain. I will help you through the devastation. Find out how - contact me today.

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