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The Truth About Infidelity

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Infidelity And What To Do After The Affair

alt="The Truth About Infidelity"Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.

In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it’s estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it.

The truth about infidelity is that no one sets out to purposely hurt their spouse. Something is missing and you get very vulnerable doing without the human need that allows you to feel content and fulfilled. You start searching for a way to fill the void or feel better about yourself.

For over 12 years, I’ve been working with couples and individuals wrestling with the effects of infidelity from an affair and I know this is so terribly painful for you. It’s difficult to know what to do. Sometimes it just feels overwhelming with all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding you. Not only that it can take a huge toll on our self esteem and create a tremendous amount of fears and doubts.

Healing from betrayal with infidelity takes time and commitment. If your spouse has stopped all communication and is ready to recommit to you and the marriage, the following will assist in restoring your relationship:

The truth about infidelity is that you need to:

• Commit to place your marriage first.
• The unfaithful partner is okay about giving you complete transparency and reassurance to help restore the trust – granting access to emails, phone, passwords, etc.
• Commit to healing. Each partner must make a decision to heal and create space for forgiveness.
• Understand what led to the infidelity. Take into account the events that occurred in the relationship contributing to the affair. What were the things that happened or were allowed; how did you not support or nourish each other? Pursue the “how” not the “why.”
• Commit to effective communication. Reframe from blaming. Acknowledge and validate one another. Be open to listening and hearing each other’s perspective.
• Reestablish a friendship. Take genuine interest in your partner. Really get to know one another.
• Design an intentional marriage. Establish agreements that protect your love.

An affair does not need to end in divorce. It creates an opportunity to reclaim and redefine your marriage.

It’s not about blaming someone. That won’t fix what happened. It can’t be explained by blame. It’s really about empowering you to take action to turn things around.

If I can give you knowledge that says that I could have proof that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it’s not just about stopping tragedy. It’s about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship.

Stay positive and focused on the marriage.

Men want to feel like they’re pleasing their wives…. making them happy. Sometimes as women we can get caught up in our complaints and criticism as an attempt to pint out what’s missing for us. Men hear that as if they are making us unhappy.

When you give him the message mainly that you screwed up and can do nothing right, then believe it or not, it makes him feel insecure. He thinks,’I can’t win. Turn this around by appreciating what he has done and praising the good no matter how little or if it is 100% correct. That will come in time once he sees you looking at him with the eyes of appreciation and not disappointment. That’s where the love really is.

If your wife has cheated think about the listener you’ve become. Are you letting her turn to you and say what she needs to say? Women yearn for emotional intimacy which is connection and it makes them feel valued and safe to be heard.

The time to start turning around is now. Infidelity brings up all kinds of emotions so the first step is to work on rebuilding trust.

Before A Relationship Breaks Up Hits You

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Before Your Relationship Breaks Up . . .

Be Sure That You Do Everything You Can To Save Your Marriage

alt="Before Your Relationship Breaks Up"Fair to say you’re reading this because you can see relationship problems or you feel a break up coming and you’re wondering what you can do before it gets to that point.

Well the good news is that there are steps you can take right now to save your relationship as long as you can push all the doubts and fears within yourself aside.

First of all consider what you think might be wrong. What has caused you to think a break up is in the cards? Do you suspect your partner of cheating? Do you feel an emotional distance between you and your partner? Or have you been arguing a lot more than you normal for the two of you and you really don’t know why? Have you stopped making each other a priority?

Finding the answers to these questions and others that fit your particular situation, is key at this point. Once you start asking the right questions, then you have a really strong chance of saving your relationship before a break up happens and things get damaged beyond repair. Once you see clearly what has happened, you will have the insight to not blame your spouse and take immediate, calm and consistent action.

Step two is about changing what is unhealthy and damaging to your relationship and managing your own  thoughts about the possibility of a break up. Believe that you can change things. You can change how you have shown up in the relationship and you can begin to rebuild the connection.

For example, are you making enough quality time for your relationship? Because without a doubt, this is often the number one reason that couples separate and break up. If you don’t make time for your relationship an emotional distance distance will happen between you and your partner and before you know it, that space which you normally fill, will now be filled by someone else or something else. It’s always important to have the two of you be the priority, even if you have kids. making time for each other keeps you focused on the relationship and each other, connected and close.

Another example of what can happen is you have a pattern finding fault in everything that your partner does or being too critical. This is really a classic sign of dissatisfaction with your life. Whatever you feel isn’t working: career, finances, your relationships and even how you feel about yourself, can lead you to take out your dissatisfaction with yourself on your other half. If there is something that is wrong in your life, sort it out. Before a relationship break up happens, stop and think about how you come across – loving and accepting or unhappy and critical.

If you have genuine reasons to be upset with your partner, then make sure you strike a balance between concern and criticism. No one likes to be told what they’re doing wrong 24/7!  Don’t focus on the minor wrongs, that way when there is something really important that you find unacceptable, then you can bring it up safe in the knowledge that it’s not just a long line of what you consider to be your partner’s wrongs! Stay focused on what is happening to you – your feelings and emotions and not your spouses. That will open things up and clear the air and definitely prevent a break up.

The final step is to make sure you clear the air about things on your spouses mind and just listen to understand allowing your spouse to feel heard. Above all, before your relationship gets worse, make sure that you sit down with your partner and talk openly about your fears and concerns. The average couple talks to each other 12 minutes a day and if you have children, it can be five minutes tops – and that includes all forms of communication like texting, phone call, face to face conversations, and at night when you are alone. Whatever you do don’t avoid and don’t pretend everything is all right for you. You never know it could very well be the cae that your spouse has also noticed too and cares deeply about your overall happiness.

The key here is to take the correct consistent action on turning things around so you don’t get to the point where one of you is considering a break up.

Separation Relationships – Do They Work

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Will Separation Help Your Relationship or Save Your Marriage?

Or Is Separation Just Putting Off The Inevitable?

alt="controlled separation"Once you get to the stage where divorce is on the cards, you might want to consider trying a separation. Relationships that try separation before they opt for a more permanent choice of divorce or permanent breakup, often succeed in repairing themselves in the long run.

This is because with separation relationships, the couple involved give themselves the benefit of a timeout and they effectively take the heat out of a tense situation. What this means is that in the heat of a pending breakup there is a chance for both parties to leave the scene, calm down and weigh up exactly what they want.

Without this separation there is every chance that the relationship would end straightaway. With separation relationships there is every chance of saving their relationship because there are limited chances of making rash decisions that may very quickly be regretted.

However, the key to success, when considering a separation, is to set some ground rules. Make sure you sit down with your partner and iron out some detailed plans and goals. Without these plans and goals you run the risk of getting nowhere.

Some issues that are worth thinking about involve finances, arrangements regarding any children that there may be, plans about whether the two of you will see each other and if so under what circumstances, and also what kind of help the two of you might consider seeking, in regards to saving your relationship.

What is also worth agreeing to, before a separation, is whether the two of you will date other people. This is important because one of you might think that it is implicit that this will not happen, while the other might think of themselves as a free agent and free to do whatever they want with whomever they want. Whether you believe your spouse will date other people or not, this detail should be expressly ironed out before a separation is agreed.

Above all for separation relationships to work the two of you should agree how long this state will continue. It is pointless leaving the separation open ended because you could find that your relationship has drifted and the two of you have no idea how to get back on track. Agree a time frame, a few weeks, a few months, whatever you’re comfortable with. Also factor in the possibility of extending the time frame. That way if you both feel you need more time or less time, then that can be easily factored in.

Without a doubt separation relationships have been used successfully to save relationships.

Marriage Infidelity – Tips To Help You Save Your Marriage Before And After

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Tips To Help You Save Your Marriage Before And After The Affair

alt="marriage infidelity"Marriage infidelity is often the biggest reason that marriages end. Truth is, there have probably been problems in the marriage long before an affair occurred, but often the affair can turn out to be the breaking point. The key then is to deal with the real problems or root problems within the marriage as they arise and not leave them to the point where an affair happens. If the marriage infidelity has already happened, stay focused on what is missing for your spouse – not the affair itself as that will just distance the two of you even further. There will be a time in the future where you will be able to address the marriage infidelity and heal together.

To avoid marriage infidelity make sure that you and your spouse deal with any situation that is causing friction within the marriage and between the two of you. The worst possible thing that many couples do is to ignore what is staring them right in the face. Hiding from your problems will only make them fester and grow, get in there and tackle what is wrong head on! Not in a damaging way but in a sharing, listening, understanding, and accepting way.

Because the truth is that a marriage infidelity – emotional or physical affair-  is usually a symptom of something deeper and missing which causes marital problems. For example, if there was emotional distance between you and your spouse, then within that distance there is the chance for an affair to begin. Sit down with your spouse and discuss how you feel. If you genuinely feel that your marriage is not how it should be then you have to be upfront and honest. Don’t point the finger at your spouse tell them in a positive way that you miss them or use appreciation and praise to get more of what you need. You would love to receive a little praise and appreciation yourself so lead the way by example and make the change now. It will only draw you closer as long as you consistently praise and appreciate your spouse.

If you believe that you need to spend more time with your spouse then say so. Schedules need to be looked at and plans need to be made for when the two of you can spend some quality time together. Spending time together is a classic way to defeat distance in a relationship. Remember to tell your spouse in a positive way how great they are and that you love it when you get to share a little special time with them. They can’t read your mind and unhappiness can come across in a different way to your spouse.

Another classic reason for marriage infidelity is money! Financial problems are without a doubt common reasons that people look for what they need outside of marriage. If you are struggling under the weight of trying to make ends meet financially, of coping with debt, or you’re worried about your job security, then again you have to talk to your spouse. Trying to cope with this on your own will only make things more difficult. Looking outside your marriage for comfort from a third person will only hurt your marriage. After all, your spouse is the one safe place you have for lightening your mind and sharing in life together.

If you’ve got to a point where marriage infidelity is already a reality and you want to save your marriage, then you will then have to put out some fires and put them up pretty quickly. First of all end the relationship with the third person. Make sure that your spouse knows that you have ended it. Apologize for your mistake and explain to your spouse why you think you made the mistake. Any reasonable person can, IN TIME, forgive. What will erode forgiveness over time is lie after lie and betrayal after betrayal. So clearly and honestly explain your mistake, detail to your spouse what you are doing to prevent making that mistake again and live up to your promise!

The biggest part of marriage infidelity and the tips to save your marriage before and after an affair is to point out all the great qualities that your spouse has and to allow time to heal all the past hurts. Be best friends to each other again. Share new hopes and dreams. and above all else create a brand new relationship together – one that is fulfilling by teaching each other what you both need to feel loved and cherished.

What’s Happened To Your Marriage?

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When your marriage is in trouble  . . .

Something is seriously wrong with your marriage. You are concerned because things seem to be getting worse and worse.

There is a big gap between the two of you and you don’t know what to do to help your marriage.

How are you going to admit this to people?

That feels really scary and embarrassing. You always thought it was a great marriage, the one that was destined to last forever …  and now it’s feeling as if it’s over.

What went wrong? How could you have let something so wonderful just slip through your fingers without even realizing it?  The truth is marriages fail for all sorts of reasons.

There are a four common relationship problem causing areas that just might have caused the love in your marriage to slip away.

Money

Especially in this economy money and marriage make things difficult. Things are just more expensive – look at the gas prices. Both partners need to be on the same page as far as money is concerned. Issues can arise when one person is a saver and the other is a spender. Any major purchases should be discussed and agreed upon prior to buying. Even daily expenditures can become a problem. Be sure you both understand where the money is coming from in your relationship and where it will go. Most importantly, have a shared vision for what you want the money you earn to do for the two of you and your marriage. Do you want a second honeymoon, a new car, a vacation home. Dream together about what you would like to have in the future and then come up with a plan to make that shared vision happen.

Communication

At the heart of money and all other issues is generally a lack of communication. Women need the words and to be listened to with a time for sharing the events of the day. men need to be appreciated and praised for all they do. Some couples don’t talk about things that bother them. Others talk, but their conversations tend to deteriorate into arguments. Another group tends to assume their partners can read their minds and should know what is at the heart of any problem. Obviously, this isn’t the case. Take time to really listen to each other. It is a safe place having each other to listen and care about what’s on each other’s minds and then carefully listen and understand – if you stop and think about it, you did this all the time in the beginning and it is one thing that makes your spouse feel they matter.

Putting the time and the effort into reaching a level of communication that involves equal parts speaking and listening, as well as a healthy dose of understanding and acceptance will bring you closer.

Selfishness

It’s about being a team – not an “I” but a “we”. Sometimes just talking about a problem isn’t enough. Every problem needs a resolution. Even the best communicators can fail at this point. If either side (or worse, both sides) refuse to budge, all the talking in the world won’t fix things. Marriage requires compromise and collaboration so you don’t feel one of you is always giving something up. Even if a couple is perfectly in synch on every issue for a long time, eventually they will run across something they don’t see eye to eye on. This is where collaboration becomes necessary. Being a “WE”  and working together as a “We” will help bring you closer. You are a team and think of all your conversations as a chance to connect and be part of your spouses life. Marriage is never a bout one person. It is about the two of you. Each person matters.

Family

While it is wonderful to paint a picture of your marriage as existing in its own little bubble ( I often tell couples that I wish i could put a protective bubble around them and they would be just fine), both of you have family and friends who were a part of your life long before you met each other and will want to continue to be there in your lives forever. The importance of family and friends cannot be ignored. They can become the cohesive group of people that care about the two of you. They fulfill other roles in your life such as friendship, confidantes, or even the measure against which your relationship is compared. Remember the old saying– “you don’t just marry the person. You marry the family.” Don’t dismiss their family as unimportant. Do not try to break the bonds that exist between them. Instead, try to form your own bonds with the other person’s family. If that isn’t possible, at least try to keep your feelings about them from destroying the relationship you hold dear. No one person can be everything to you. There is always room in your heart for being loved more and you have such a capacity to love as well.

When you start to wonder what’s happened to your marriage or when you feel as if your marriage is in trouble, see where you stand on the above issues and take steps now to prevent the issues from growing and can affect and destroy your marriage. Work together as a team and bringing out the best in each other. Together you can handle whatever comes your way.

When Your Marriage Gets In A Marital Rut

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How to Dig Out of a Marital Rut

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A client recently asked me for some marriage rut-busting tips. What should you do to get your marriage out of a rut or mundane routine?

First know that a marital rut is  sometimes a good sign. It means your marriage is stable.

But stability and boredom don’t have to go hand in hand.

A rut—by definition—is a monotonous routine. Your marriage can  get caught up in a rut when you go about day to day life as business as usual—having the exact same routine each and every day, being too predictable, saying the same things, asking the same questions, making the same assumptions, eating at the same restaurants, going to bed at the exact same time, and even sleeping on the same side of the bed. We fall into these routines because they are easy. When things are going well in a marriage, we tend to focus our energy elsewhere—on work, on our kids, hobbies, fitness, on friends and so forth.

When your marriage gets in a marital rut:

Reinvest in your relationship. Devote some energy every day into shaking things up. Ask questions you’ve never asked before. Suggest unusual dates, sexcapades, and social excursions. Turn your evening routine upside down. If you usually watch television, for instance, play truth or dare – or have a picnic right in your bedroom – think outside of the box to change your marital rut into an exciting marriage where you can’t wait to see each other.

Reveal more. Tell stories from your past that your spouse still doesn’t know. Throughout your day, mentally jot down “Must tell my spouse” moments. As they come up, text your spouse, “Can’t wait to tell you something later” to add an element of suspense. It takes a lifetime to know everything about your spouse and sometimes even your conversations can become too predictable. Think of something new to tell each other – something funnythat happened that day or a moment from long ago. Change your stories.

Rediscover your spouse. Many of us think we know all there is to know about the person who sleeps next to us at night. We don’t. Just as most of an iceberg is hidden from view, so is much of your spouse. Your spouse is still a mystery, and mysteries are exciting. Try to discover one new quality about your spouse every day. What are their hopes and dreams – what do they want to learn – where do they want to travel – who would they like to meet – Remember to also let them know what you appreciate most about them or what they shared throughout the week in a text, conversations, emails, etc – this will strengthen your connection and definitely help when your marriage gets in a marital rut.

Remember your exciting times. When things go stale and you get in a marital rut, amnesia sets in and we tend to forget that our relationship was ever exciting in the first place. We trick ourselves into thinking that it has always been boring, but that’s probably not true. Once a week, plan an exciting date. Do something you have never done. try new experiences together like a cooking class, do something together outdoors – even a walk can change things when your marriage gets in a marital rut. Be adventurous together. See what you can come up with.

In case it’s helpful, here are some rut-busting articles I found around the web:

5 rut-busting tips from a Cognitive Therapist

8 Rut Busters from The Nest

30 Days Back to Love from Good housekeeping

Remarriage: Combining Two Families Into One

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Remarriage – Blending Your Families

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You have been dating someone and developed a serious relationship with them. You are both ready to consider remarriage and moving in together and being a family. However, you have a concern about your children and how they will react to the new family member and a new marriage.

This can create a lot of turmoil and hostility within a relationship. Your children may think that they are being replaced or that this new person is taking over. It can leave them feeling very insecure or unloved. However, with some proper preparation and knowledge ahead of time, you can prevent or curb some of these issues around remarriage.

Look at all aspects of the relationship. Try to see things through your child’s eyes. Take into account everything that they are feeling. It is not easy to suddenly find yourself sharing your parent full-time. There are many issues and concerns that the children are faced with when their mom or dad decides to remarry. They are also giving up their space and allowing another person into their safe haven and their personal area. This can be terrifying in some situations.

Prepare your children ahead of time for remarriage and blending the two families. There is nothing worse than finding out that there will be another family member added at the last minute when they are moving their stuff in. this can be a horrifying situation. It can also result in severe emotional issues and acting out behaviors. If you talk with your children and get their input and thoughts ahead of time, you can make the transition smoother. It can also make it less stressful and tense. Your children could even be willing to accept this person without much fuss at all. It is all in how the situation is presented.

Spend time with everyone that is involved in this new family system. You will want your children to have time to get to know your mate. They will be much more likely to accept the situation if they have spent time with the person and see on their own how this person can bring something great to their lives. . They get an idea of the person. They also start to develop a relationship and a bond. This is essential to having a happy family within a remarriage that has a new person being added to it. It can also give you a better idea of how your partner deals with your kids. You can find out if they are able to handle a full-time situation with children involved. This is very important as it ensures the safety and well being of your children. You do not find yourself faced with an issue of your children not being treated properly later on.

It is very possible to have a remarriage, a partner in life for you, a great relationship and keep everyone happy too. People combine families effectively all the time. However, it is all in how you approach and deal with the situation. You will ultimately determine if your relationship will survive or fail. Take the time to make things as easy and smooth as you possibly can. This will drastically increase the chances of a relationship that lasts for a long time and that is happy and without stress.

 

Thinking about Remarriage?:

Here are some important topic to work through as a couple –

  • Emotional closure of the first marriage
  • Expectations and key issues of the new marriage
  • The blending of children and families
  • Continuing relationships among extended family members, friends, community, etc

You Can Save Your Marriage

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Simple Things Can Save Marriage

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Know that you can save your marriage.

Contrary to popular belief, simple steps can save marriage. If you’re in what you consider to be a bad place in your own marriage, often you feel that there is no way to make things better.

If you and your partner have been having problems for a long time, you may feel depressed, angry, and scared.

You may even feel that you have tried everything to put the marriage back on track.

But many times it is just the day to day little changes that can bring your marriage back to a state that you are comfortable with, just as it is often the day to day changes that gradually took their toll on the marriage to make it what it is now.

When you first start out in a loving relationship, everything seems easy. You’re in love, you spend a lot of time together, you make plans and have dreams. Why is the relationship so easy then? Not only because you are in love. You can still be in love and have a problematic relationship, as you may be dealing with now. Just know that you can save your marriage. You have to look for ways to reconnect.

One reason that it is easier in the beginning is because you are more willing to compromise. Indeed, you don’t even really see anything as a compromise. If your partner likes you to do certain things, or act a certain way, you do it without even thinking about it. And you are happy to do it because it makes him or her happy.

As time goes on, though, you may start to resent those things that your partner is asking you to do. Or maybe it’s not that you resent them as much as you resent the fact that you will do things for him or her (willingly or unwillingly, but you will do them), but he or she does not return the favor. If this type of situation is affecting you and you haven’t spoken about it, now is the time.

Communication and the biggest piece of communicating is listening –  can save your marriage, even if it’s about seemingly little things like this. Talk about what you would each like from each other. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be as simple as calling your spouse during the day, or saying hello right when you come in the house instead of just turning on the TV. Look for things that make your spouse feel like a priority. That definitely can save your marriage.

Start with these little things. And do them. If you think that they are little and silly, then it should be easy for you to stick to them. As time goes on, add more. Another important point to note is that you are giving the other person what he or she would like–not what you would like.

Even if you don’t understand why something is important to him or her, you need to realize that it is important  and take it seriously. Simple things that can save marriage begin with what you can do right away to turn things around and get the message across to your spouse that whatever is important matters.

Simple things like this can save your marriage and allow you to create a wonderful relationship where your focus is on giving each other just what you need to feel loved.

Don’t Seek Advice From Family and Friends About Your Relationship

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 Don’t Destroy Your Marriage

Three Vital Reasons To Not seek Relationship Advice From Your Family And Friends

There are a million pitfalls for any relationship to fall into and crumble, but don’t ever let yours be that you tried to seek advice from family and friends.  Don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship, if it doesn’t lead to hard feelings and frustration right away it almost surely will down the road.  Any kind of advice from family members should be taken with a grain of salt, because that is just how significant their opinion can be to both of you. It is also important to realize that your family and friends have a far different relationship than the dynamics of your relationship. They will only be able to give you advice coming from what they have experienced and based on their own relationship – not yours. You are the expert when it comes to what the two of you have together.

The number one reason you don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it is all biased.  Your family and friends only want what is best for you and don’t necessarily care about what is best for your partner.  That is why they are so confused when you don’t do it, because you care more about your partner then they ever will. There are two people in the relationship and your family and friends are only hearing one side.

The number two reason we say don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it will never be forgotten.  Your family and friends will always remind you of the trouble you approached them with and they will never let your relationship move on to happy times. Your family and friends want to see you happy and may long forget that you ever experience happiness in the relationship.

The number three, and final, reason you don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it is none of their business.  You and your partner have the right  to keep relationship matters between the two of you, do just that and nothing less! It can really tear away at the trust between the two of you if you share intimate details with your family and friends.  Sometimes you just need to vent out the frustration and hurt. Just make sure that you  know what is okay to be discussed with others.

Your family and friends mean well. The best advice is to think about what you need in the moment from the relationship itself. Is it patience, to be heard, compliments, affection, being made a priority, etc.

The main point is don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship.

 

A Loving Relationship Helps You To Change And Grow

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 Relationship Helps You Grow Expansively As An Individual

Changing And Growing In A Loving Relationship

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Relationships change us for the better by the growth we experience inside ourselves.

“I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.”

~Wayne Dyer

One of the most frustrating things to deal with in a loving relationship, is trying to get the person we love to change to make our life easier and match the expectations we have around love and being loved.  This really came to light yesterday while I was speaking to a Newlywed couple, helping them with a relationship issue they were experiencing. I love Newlyweds. They are discovering and learning so much as they make the transition from dating, being engaged, to husband and wife. Newlyweds have combined their lives, furniture, money, families and friends.So much has happened to then since becoming married that they often don’t see just how far they have come. The changes have happened on the inside and a loving relationship helps us to grow in so many ways.

Often times couples equate those changes as wrong or unsettling. You see not so long ago you were making individual decisions. Now you are considering your spouses thoughts and feelings. If you don’t that could cause severe problems. You have to see the “We” and work towards going through life together, side by side. You know you have your own way of doing things. Your spouse has their own way of doing things too. This is your perspective and approach to life based on all you have learned and experienced so far. Instead of getting into a Power Struggle, discover your spouse’s perspective and make a change inside yourself to be open to their thoughts and ideas – their perspective. There are no rights or wrongs, your side vs, my side. Together come up with the best approach and solution.

Make every day count. Spend the time you have enjoying each other. Bringing out the best parts of each other. Decide which changes you can make to yourself – such as releasing control over the way laundry is done, furniture is polished, and so on. Love each other for the real person that lives inside. We are all a work in progress.  Instead of trying to change the very person you fell in love with, control what goes on inside. This is what makes a loving relationship.

Take Five Every Day For Your Relationship

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Take Five Minutes Every Day To Connect With Your Spouse

How to revive your relationship in 5 Minutes starting today!

Life just keeps on moving and in the process, sucks you in until the day is completely gone. There will always be more to do. There will always be things that come up out of the blue – even if you try to plan for the unknown. It’s easy to put your love life on hold as you try to manage the new crisis such as getting a battery for your car because the old one gave it up today, finding a plumber to fix that leak that has gotten bigger and now ruined the carpet. Believe me when I tell you that every day life is full of unknowns.

Today, slow it all down and make a promise to do something for your relationship and love life each and every day. Take five and start a new ritual when your spouse comes home today. Put everything aside. Let the worries of the day disappear for just five minutes. You know that they really won’t go anywhere but you have to put your full focus into these take five minutes. Wrap your arms around the one you love and continue a tender, warm embrace. Sometimes that will be the best thing that has happened to your spouse all day.

Then find a quiet spot for the two of you and just listen to your spouse with all your attention and focus. Really listen. Resist the temptation to let your thoughts drift to what you need to do. The thing is that you don’t need to do anything but listen. Give them a chance to share. It will feel awkward at first but let there be silence for a few seconds until they get used to this. Then after you have shown your interest by asking questions or adding a great comment, take your turn to share.

You will be amazed at what this does for your relationship. Take five every day every day for the next 30 days and then you will see amazing results and a little more romance. Give it a full 30 days. Remember – it is only five minutes. You will set the tone for the whole evening, feel closer and connected, and working towards understanding each other more fully. Let me know what changes took place and how this improved your communication and more importantly how you and your spouse felt connected.

An Intimate Connection Is More Than Sex

By

Droplet Highway

An Intimate Connection


Photo by Cesar R.

Intimacy: the Oxford Dictionary is pretty sketchy in its description of the word.

It says…

1) “Close familiarity or friendship.”

2) “An intimate act or remark”.

A pretty broad description using just words.

But that’s not surprising because intimacy is one of those things that transcend a definitive description.  Intimacy is an intangible.  Most of us know it when we see or experience it no matter if we can actually put it into words.  It’s more of a feeling that warms us inside and those kinds of things can be hard to describe because they are experienced on such a personal level.

I see intimacy displayed everywhere I go.  I see it on the beach between two elderly people, sitting hand in hand, peacefully sharing a sunset at the end of their lives.  I see it in the loving gaze of a newborn’s mother as she looks upon the wonderful creation in her arms that has just begun its life.  It’s two kids on a date, stealing that first kiss and the last kiss of a father giving his daughter away in marriage on her wedding day.

Intimacy can be the feel of a raindrop on your nose in a warm spring rain and the smell of the grass after the rain is over.  It can be the way two people casually slip their hands into each other’s while standing in line at the movies.  It’s a simple smile that says volumes but needs no words.  A child and a puppy know what it is though neither is capable of articulating a verbal description of it.

One thing for sure is that it’s as necessary to the human spirit as sunlight is to a garden.  It’s what feeds our souls.  Without intimacy we wither and die spiritually.  It’s what gives our lives validation.  Intimacy assures us that we are not alone on this frightening, chaotic, journey through life.  The best thing of all it’s free.  Intimacy doesn’t cost a dime.

But not everyone understands it or is capable of distinguishing it from other things they mistake it for.  Sex is often confused with intimacy.  Although sex is an intimately personal act, without passion, it’s just a mechanical release.  Many couples can have great sex but terrible personal relationships that ultimately result in failure.

Many older couples find that as their body’s age their diminishing sex drive is replaced with an even greater degree of intimacy just as they see the end of the lives they shared together for so many years drawing closer.

Intimacy can be a kind word of reassurance just when someone needs it most.  A friendly arm around the shoulder of an old friend.  Reaching out with an act of unselfish personal kindness toward a stranger is intimacy.

Most importantly, intimacy is the one constant that is required to keep any relationship healthy and alive.  A person who can’t share intimacy is more crippled than any quadriplegic, incapable of giving emotional sustenance to those around them.  Any relationship involving this type of person is going to be emotionally draining for their partner and will inevitably end in crushing failure.  Like emotional parasites, they feed on their partner’s intimacy and suck the life out of them.

People like this can be hard to spot because intimacy can be faked to a greater or lesser degree.  Just as people can laugh at something they don’t find amusing they can pretend to be intimate.  But they can’t sustain the ruse.  Eventually the veneer will crack and the signs show through.  Avoid these people, despite their physical attraction, as if your life depended on it, because it does.

Intimacy is an easy and natural thing in most people.  The secret, as James Taylor writes in his song “The Secret to Life” is in opening up your heart.  Don’t be afraid to do it.  Sure you can get burned…but the rewards are beyond any description. Intimacy in a relationship is the key to giving loved and feeling loved when the intimacy is returned.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

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