I Feel Betrayed By My Spouses Affair

If I am the one that was hurt, why do I have to deal with this affair?

If you have just found out that your spouse was cheating, you are feeling so many emotions and dealing with numerous thoughts that keep spinning around in your mind. Some of these thoughts can cause you to feel as if you did something wrong and are to blame for your spouse wanting another person. That hurts. Rejection in any form feels awful.

First of all let’s try to make some sense of what has happened. There is no good way to find out that your spouse has had an affair. Whether you happened to see some texts, your spouse tells you, or someone else tells you about it, the feeling of betrayal is the same. So one layer of hurt is from the betrayal and feeling violated as if someone took something from you that can never be returned the way it once was. Trust has suddenly gone away and you realize that the one you love has altered that sense of well being and belief that they would always be true to you.

Don’t give in to the fears and doubts. Look at this deeper.

Try to stay calm and know that now is not the time to make any quick and permanent decisions. There will be plenty of time for taing action.

Gather your thoughts and sort out the emotions from what has happened. Let yourself grieve, sort though and feel the emotions, and just breathe.

You are hurting and you need a chance to just address that pain. It is a terrible feeling.

Take a look at your spouse. How did the two of you get here?  What has happened over the years? What has been missing for each of you?

Think about your part –  I promise that each of us has a part in the relationship deteriorating. How did you both turn away from each other? How was this choice made? Did you drift apart? Did the communication get strained? Did the relationship itself become last?  Did you take each other for granted?

It’s the road back. It will help you break free from the fear and see what’s on the other side.

Have you always done everything you can to let your spouse feel loved and cared about? None of us do. Take your time to look at what happened and be willing to see if you have a part in how things got to this point. You can repair and heal after an affair. Trust takes a long while to rebuild. You can survive an affair. One day at a time.

What are you able to look at within yourself?  What would you like to see happen from here? If you feel stuck, just reach out. I will help you with this.