When your marriage is in trouble  . . .

Something is seriously wrong with your marriage. You are concerned because things seem to be getting worse and worse.

There is a big gap between the two of you and you don’t know what to do to help your marriage.

How are you going to admit this to people?

That feels really scary and embarrassing. You always thought it was a great marriage, the one that was destined to last forever …  and now it’s feeling as if it’s over.

What went wrong? How could you have let something so wonderful just slip through your fingers without even realizing it?  The truth is marriages fail for all sorts of reasons.

There are a four common relationship problem causing areas that just might have caused the love in your marriage to slip away.

Money

Especially in this economy money and marriage make things difficult. Things are just more expensive – look at the gas prices. Both partners need to be on the same page as far as money is concerned. Issues can arise when one person is a saver and the other is a spender. Any major purchases should be discussed and agreed upon prior to buying. Even daily expenditures can become a problem. Be sure you both understand where the money is coming from in your relationship and where it will go. Most importantly, have a shared vision for what you want the money you earn to do for the two of you and your marriage. Do you want a second honeymoon, a new car, a vacation home. Dream together about what you would like to have in the future and then come up with a plan to make that shared vision happen.

Communication

At the heart of money and all other issues is generally a lack of communication. Women need the words and to be listened to with a time for sharing the events of the day. men need to be appreciated and praised for all they do. Some couples don’t talk about things that bother them. Others talk, but their conversations tend to deteriorate into arguments. Another group tends to assume their partners can read their minds and should know what is at the heart of any problem. Obviously, this isn’t the case. Take time to really listen to each other. It is a safe place having each other to listen and care about what’s on each other’s minds and then carefully listen and understand – if you stop and think about it, you did this all the time in the beginning and it is one thing that makes your spouse feel they matter.

Putting the time and the effort into reaching a level of communication that involves equal parts speaking and listening, as well as a healthy dose of understanding and acceptance will bring you closer.

Selfishness

Family

While it is wonderful to paint a picture of your marriage as existing in its own little bubble ( I often tell couples that I wish i could put a protective bubble around them and they would be just fine), both of you have family and friends who were a part of your life long before you met each other and will want to continue to be there in your lives forever. The importance of family and friends cannot be ignored. They can become the cohesive group of people that care about the two of you. They fulfill other roles in your life such as friendship, confidantes, or even the measure against which your relationship is compared. Remember the old saying– “you don’t just marry the person. You marry the family.” Don’t dismiss their family as unimportant. Do not try to break the bonds that exist between them. Instead, try to form your own bonds with the other person’s family. If that isn’t possible, at least try to keep your feelings about them from destroying the relationship you hold dear. No one person can be everything to you. There is always room in your heart for being loved more and you have such a capacity to love as well.

When you start to wonder what’s happened to your marriage or when you feel as if your marriage is in trouble, see where you stand on the above issues and take steps now to prevent the issues from growing and can affect and destroy your marriage. Work together as a team and bringing out the best in each other. Together you can handle whatever comes your way.