Faces Of The Heart

You are here: Home / Archives for love

Don’t Seek Advice From Family and Friends About Your Relationship

By

alt="Don't seek advice from family and friends about your relationship"

 Don’t Destroy Your Marriage

Three Vital Reasons To Not seek Relationship Advice From Your Family And Friends

There are a million pitfalls for any relationship to fall into and crumble, but don’t ever let yours be that you tried to seek advice from family and friends.  Don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship, if it doesn’t lead to hard feelings and frustration right away it almost surely will down the road.  Any kind of advice from family members should be taken with a grain of salt, because that is just how significant their opinion can be to both of you. It is also important to realize that your family and friends have a far different relationship than the dynamics of your relationship. They will only be able to give you advice coming from what they have experienced and based on their own relationship – not yours. You are the expert when it comes to what the two of you have together.

The number one reason you don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it is all biased.  Your family and friends only want what is best for you and don’t necessarily care about what is best for your partner.  That is why they are so confused when you don’t do it, because you care more about your partner then they ever will. There are two people in the relationship and your family and friends are only hearing one side.

The number two reason we say don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it will never be forgotten.  Your family and friends will always remind you of the trouble you approached them with and they will never let your relationship move on to happy times. Your family and friends want to see you happy and may long forget that you ever experience happiness in the relationship.

The number three, and final, reason you don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship is that it is none of their business.  You and your partner have the right  to keep relationship matters between the two of you, do just that and nothing less! It can really tear away at the trust between the two of you if you share intimate details with your family and friends.  Sometimes you just need to vent out the frustration and hurt. Just make sure that you  know what is okay to be discussed with others.

Your family and friends mean well. The best advice is to think about what you need in the moment from the relationship itself. Is it patience, to be heard, compliments, affection, being made a priority, etc.

The main point is don’t seek advice from family and friends about your relationship.

 

To Be A Parent or To Be A Spouse

By

How To Be A Parent and A Spouse At The Same Time

alt"How To Be A Parent and A Spouse At The Same Time"

Parenting is the most arduous job there is. It is also a wonderful experience to have children. Sometimes we put our focus on our children and become the best parents we can be. We forget to focus on each other. This can create a distance between us. Did you know that that distance becomes bigger and bigger through the years. Think about how you can be a parent and a spouse at the same time.

If you’re a step parent, especially of kids that came into the relationship at a later age, it is beyond description. Kids are singularly demanding creatures. They wants to be loved and feel special too. Most have no understanding of selflessness until they reach adulthood and some never do.

If a marriage is to survive the trials of parenthood, it must be focused on the parents as a couple. If one or the other surrenders to the exclusivity of the children, it will end in a bitter train wreck. The key is to make sure you have some couple time together. The average couple spends 12 minutes a day talking – but it is mostly concerning the logistics of the relationship like who is going to take the kids to practice and what’s for dinner. If you have kids studies show that you only get 5 minutes a day to talk. Make sure you fine just a few minutes in the day to catch up with each other.

Concentrate on keeping intimacy alive and keep the personal fun in your lives that attracted you to each other before the kids showed up. . Don’t surrender your love to the tantrums of unyielding children.

There is a place for them and a place for the two of you as well.

Define the parameters and continue to take a walk in the moonlight without them.

They won’t be traumatized or suffer horrendous depression from the lack of attention, I promise.

Understanding Your Spouse

By

alt="Understanding Your Spouse"

Closeness Comes From Giving Understanding

Understanding your spouse has become something that is rarely done because of the misconception of what it actually means.  So many people have started to believe that if you are understanding your spouse you are in effect letting them get away with something that may otherwise be unacceptable.  This is not true, understanding your spouse is all about giving them the credit that is due for being who they are. You actually were great about doing this at the beginning of the relationship.

If your husband does not like to be bothered by yard work then it is not ok to start calling them a lazy bum and insulting his work ethic (yes, I have had couples who have said this to each other).  Try to understand why it is that they don’t like to do the yard work, you may just learn something about your partner you didn’t know.  Sometimes the resistance to physical labor doesn’t have much to do with the labor but the process of performing the work and something that happened in their past.

If your wife enjoys watching reality shows that try to play matchmaker don’t sit around making fun of the unintelligent characters.  Know that understanding your spouse doesn’t mean that you understand the things they like or do, just that you have to be understanding enough to know that it means something to her.  Understanding your spouse is the most underrated of all of the relationship tips in the world. And yet when you give understanding and acceptance to yourself, it will bring about the closeness and connection where you feel the most love flowing between the two of you.

Knowing Each Other’s Love Language can Save Your Relationship

By

I LOVE YOU in many different languages

Love Has Many Languages


Photo by viZZZual.comThe importance of knowing each others love language on the health of a good relationship is huge, especially if you know how to act on it.  Your love language says a lot about you and the type of person that you are so you need to make sure that your love language is saying the right things.  Here are three different ways that people can express their love and show their love to others:

  1. The power of words will help you in knowing each others love language and submitting it to your relationship.  Some people respond just to kind words alone and others want to hear or read the words and then see your face.
  2. While there is nothing wrong with being this way, material goods can show you a lot about being in a tough world.  Knowing each others love language in a typical setting may be difficult, but receiving a gift will make it a little bit easier. A  small surprise goes a long way in letting the one you love know that they are always in your thoughts.
  3. Another great way to achieve knowing each others love language is by physical touch.  Maybe it just takes you brushing up against your husband or wife to get the point across. The power of a tender touch from the one you love can turn a bad day completely around.

The most important thing is the old “golden rule” to treat others as you want to be treated. Love in a loving way. Remember that it is always the way you love that gets you loved in return.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

One Myth about Affairs that Only Makes Your Pain Worse

By

The Pain of Betrayal

Myths of an affair 

If your partner had an affair, you might be trying to figure out how this could have even happened to you. Your heart and mind are shattered into a million pieces. The pain is intense. You have tons of unanswered questions. You blame yourself and the other person.

 

alt="The Pain of Betrayal"

You just might find that the beliefs that you may hold about infidelity could be making your broken-hearted pain worse than it already is.

There are many misconceptions about why people cheat. One huge myth– that only intensifies pain and kicks up your deepest fears — is that the affair partner is drawn to someone else because the other person is more attractive. Stop the comparisons. Let’s look at this further.

If you believe that (and many people experiencing affairs do) then you might take it one step farther and become convinced that if you were prettier, sexier, more muscular, thinner, fitter, and so on . . . then your partner wouldn’t have had the affair. This is not the truth.

In the majority of cases, affairs don’t happen because you aren’t attractive enough. If that is the reason, there is something much deeper going on in the affair partner that has little to do with you.

Of course, there are dimensions of physical attraction and your level of confidence that sometimes play a role. But not the primary reason for infidelity.

The affair partner often has an affair because there is some need that is not being met in their primary relationship– or within themselves. This is absolutely NOT to say that it you are to blame.

There is always much more below the surface at play in a relationship in which someone ends up having an affair.

Things you can do to start feeling better again is . . .

Decide what you really want – the relationship, marriage, person and then go from there – make that your direction

Don’t put yourself down – it will not help you to heal and get your life back on track to continue

Don’t compare yourself – remember there is no one like you in all the world – instead get started on becoming the best version of you

The next thing to do is to tune in to what you need right now. What are the self-care actions you could take?

Why is self-care so important?

When you are caring well for yourself, you are inevitably going to be better able to meet what’s going on in your relationship and life with more clarity and calm.

Remember, when something major happens in your relationship, your coping gets lower. Self-care can help you receive some much needed nurturing. This can make all the difference.

Have you ever made a decision when you were out of sorts or overwhelmed? You know that is difficult to do.

This is a time in your life during which you may need to be making important decisions– they may also affect others, if you have children, for example. Give yourself as healthy and well-cared for foundation as you possibly can so that you can make decisions that you will feel good about in the long-run.

Understanding and letting go of what you can . . .
If you choose to stay in the  relationship it might be helpful to gain some understanding of why the affair happened. What was going on in your relationship?

Take a deep breath and open your mind. Think about the pre-affair dynamics between you and your partner or ex that seemed to take the two of you far apart from each another. What habits did the two of you have that caused disconnection?

These are most likely the primary factors that contributed to your partner choosing to cheat.

If you feel like you can communicate with your partner or ex about what happened, you might ask him or her if there were specific needs that weren’t being met.

Remember, this isn’t about you failing; it’s about trying to understand what happened and connecting again while restoring the trust.  That takes time. Things didn’t get this way over night.

Healing and rebuilding trust are both processes. The more that you provide self-care for you and the better you can understand what happened, the easier it may be for you to forgive and let go of the pain.

 

 

Being a Wife is Not Easy

By

alt="being a wife"

 Ways To Be A Wife

What are the ways to make being a wife easier?

Being a wife is not easy and that may be one of the biggest understatements ever uttered by anyone in the history of mankind or any other kind.  Not only do you have to do what is required of you by society as a woman, but you have to keep that man and possibly some children from falling completely apart.  Being a wife you are expected to keep everything running smoothly while supporting your partner and always presenting the best possible image of your family.

Is being a wife about something really simple or is it the most complex role in all of humanity?  It is both.  Being a wife means that you have to support that big ego of the man you are with, but at the same time you have to be able to be able to know yourself.  In many ways the role of being a wife resembles that of the President of the United States, you have a contingency of people that are counting on you to run your world and you have to realize that you can’t please everyone.

Your husband may be disappointed that he can’t see you as much or your family may think that you are too submissive or your in-laws may think you are too controlling…all at once!  Being a wife is one of the most difficult roles in all of the world to learn, but when it is done right it can change the life of everyone it comes in contact with.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

Stop Arguing and Your Relationship Will Survive

By

Faces Of The HeartThere is no bigger relationship killer than the constant, incessant arguing that really doesn’t even solve any of the issues you are facing.  If you are able to stop arguing with your partner and become a little more light-hearted towards some of your daily quirks and abnormalities then you will become much happier with your life.  Some people struggle with this because they are natural arguers or enjoy debating every topic, while others just get offended too easy. For those who naturally like to argue or enjoy a good debate it will help you to stop arguing with your mate more than you will ever know.  We all know that a healthy debate or argument can help solve issues or help you learn more about your partner, but if you stop arguing you will learn that you don’t need to learn about your partner in this manner.  Instead of arguing make a point of understanding the other’s point of view and try it on for a few days. If you are one of the many who gets offended by remarks too easily and wind up arguing with your partner about every little thing it is time for you to stop arguing.  If you stop arguing and just realize that your partner may not be purposely trying to offend you it may just change your life.  By being able to stop arguing and learn from what they are pointing out to you it is possible you may just become a better person in the mean time.

Being Who You Are In Your Relationship

By

Being who You Are – Especially With The One You Love

Speak Your Truth

alt="being yourself with the one you love"Nothing is more important to any relationship that exists or ever existed before in mankind than being who you are in your relationship.  Sure, everyone will tell you that love and respect trump all in a relationship, but being who you are in a relationship will always help in the strength of your bond.  This is not to say this concept in a selfish way, being who you are in a relationship benefits your partner much more than you.

If you are not being who you are in your relationship then you are, in effect, lying to your partner about who you are and what your relationship is about.  Your friends and family will start to grow concerned and tired of your attitude and personality and wonder what happened.  This will only come back to haunt your partner and your relationship.

Being who you are in your relationship will quell your family and friends concern that exists at the beginning of any relationship.  The concern that anyone has when they know a loved one has the potential of being hurt in any way.  If your family and friends see that you are who you always have been then they will not worry about you any longer.

Once you are comfortable being who you are in a relationship your partner will get the best opportunity to see who it is they are committing to.  When this happens, your relationship gains the wonderful ability to make it through all rocky times. Besides, that is excaxtly who they fell in love with in the first place.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

What Are You Giving to Your Relationship?

By

Relationship TipsAsk Yourself: What Would More Love Do For Your Relationship

In the end of your relationship when you are looking back at what was and what could have been you will always come back to one simple, but loaded, question: what are you giving to your relationship? In order to make things better or just make things enjoyable for you and your partner you must consider what you are giving to your relationship and how you can improve on this. It’s time to take immediate action and take a look at how you got to this point.

What follows is three ways you can take stock of and change what are you giving to your relationship.

1. What are you giving to your relationship more happiness or sorrow? If you look back through your days with your partner and you realize that you have caused more pain than you have created joy then you might need to reevaluate your process. Consider making more time for fun activities and less time for stressful jobs like paying bills or balancing the checkbook.

2. When you are asked what are you giving to your relationship always be able to answer that you are giving love and respect. If you feel that you are not
treating your partner with equal and exceeding amounts of love and respect, consider what you could do different.

3. If you are asked how you are giving to your relationship don’t ever forget about help. If you constantly offer help and assistance to your partner then you
will never be lacking in your relationship and you will always be proud of what you are giving to your relationship. It send the message that they are a priority and an important part of your life.

The best way to look at your relationship is from the perspective of giving. If you have that mindset, your relationship will continue to grow and flourish. Your partner will begin to take notice that you are giving and start reciprocating with ways they can give to you. Keep noticing ways to connect and become closer and closer to the one you love. Then you will always look back on how far you have come together as a couple and know that you in fact did give to the relationship all that you could. What you are giving to your relationship can close the gaps and allow the other person to feel cherished and loved.


Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

Understanding and Accepting Your Spouse

By

Chris & Jessica Engagement - Falling
Photo by AuzigogIf your marriage has any chance of surviving the test of time then you must make sure one thing is accomplished, understanding and accepting your spouse.  It is no secret that half of all marriages entered into today last through the test of time and there is a very simple reason for this.  The reason is that most people give up on understanding and accepting their spouse and instead start to resent them.

The reason that understanding and accepting your spouse is so difficult is that most people naturally assume that they will find someone that will be able to fit into their lives.  We don’t expect that the love of our life will have some different wants and needs than us so we don’t realize for a while that we must put effort into understanding and accepting our spouses.

Once this time comes so many people don’t want to put effort into changing themselves that the two partners clash and the harm is almost irreparable.  Understanding and accepting your spouse is about realizing that your wants and needs are important, but compromise is even more of a necessity.

When you have come to the realization that understanding and accepting your spouse is important then your marriage will only get better.  You always need to stand up for yourself, but if both partners are willing to compromise the marriage can’t possibly suffer.

Please let me know what you think about this. Click on the comment link below.

How to Stay in Love

By

alt="marriage"Everlasting Love

Ways To Keep Love Alive

The everlasting question of will never accurately or absolutely be answered, but the question of how to stay in love can be answered somewhat simply if you just have the keep focused, determined, and stay motivated.  You will be surprised that by putting your mind to it you begin to realize that the question of how to stay in love is answered simply as how to find new ways to love your partner.  Every day we see something new about our partner and when you do, you respond in  a new loving way. This is done by accomplishing the one thing that everlasting love is supposed to be about, perseverance – going the distance.

Last night I could tell that my husband had a rough day at work. He finished work only to come outside and see his tire was completely flat. That in and of itself was enough but the last thing that had happened at work had really made the tire being flat a real downer for lack of a better word. Fortunately, the prepared guy he is, he put a can of fix a flat in the tire and came home. I knew that he definitely needed for me to listen and care and  – now if I am honest, it is usually the other way around. He knows that I feel loved and cherished when I am listened to attentively. So last night I listened and tried to really love his cares away.  Anyway, today as soon as he had his shower, he went out side to check the tire- no coffee first – so I knew this was not the way the day needed to start for him. He is a coffee first kind of guy. I could tell that I needed to focus on helping him- loving him and addressing his biggest concern. I had to be patient and ready to get out the door to at a moment’s notice so as not to add to his distress.  Just like you and your partner, we too are two different people and handle things quite differently. So you can ask yourself what your partner needs from you right now under the circumstances and give your love in that way. Do I always do this to the best of my ability – no- but today I really tried hard to be patient and understanding and accept how he was dealing with this. And guess what on the days you don’t get it right – just like me- you have a chance everyday to love them all over again in a new way.  The point is your partner will remember those moments that you really tried to be loving and give to you. That is how to stay in love.

Our world today has perpetuated the myth that love happens at first sight and is very easy to maintain because it is some inborn passion that lives inside you forever.  While love may initially introduce itself in this manner, how to stay in love is quite a different story.  How to stay in love is rooted in the idea that you are never quite finished learning about each other and finding new ways to give and express your love.  You see everyone experiences love in a different way.  This is because you both have been raised by different families and loved in different ways that became comfortable to you. You have both experienced life in different ways. You have also had previous relationships that also impact your love. The best way to stay in love is to stay curious about each other. Learning about your partner, learning about your relationship and learning about what you are about and what you need in the way of love. How do you feel and experience love? Teach your partner how to love you and have your partner teach you how to love them. In the way, you will get it right and know just how to stay in love, forever.

Do you remember how long and hard it was to find your true love and complete the road to marriage?  Will it will be much longer and harder to stay that way?  If you were hoping to find the long lost secret that can be done overnight think about this –  the secret to great love is to both discover new ways of giving love to each other and making sure that you love in the way that each of you feels and experiences that love .

This is what makes love worth it, the payoff in the end.  Knowing that how to stay in love is something that you can do together for each other, you should be encouraged to know that you will never be disappointed, and you will keep your everlasting love alive.

5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship

By

5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship
By Nina Burleigh
O, The Oprah Magazine |  May 15, 2005 . . .  Even though this is from a while back these are great tips from the experts to help you stay in love!

O, The Oprah Magazine

Ways to stay connected to the one you love . . .

Are you ready to take your relationship to a new level? Heed the wisdom of these five experts:

1. “Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed.”

— Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

2. “Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you’re very involved with your partner’s mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right.”

— John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

3. “When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you’re sorry for what you’ve said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner.”

— Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage

4. “With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn’t have to make love like a porn star.You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused.”

— Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First

5. “All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don’t tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you’ll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks.”

— Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love
From the May 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Marriage Intensives

Sometimes you get to a place in your marriage where you know you need help. I suggest that you consider attending a 3-Day Marriage Intensive. You willget much farther than one hour a week and be able to dig deeper into what changes can turn your marriage around. Call to discuss your situaltion today to know if a marriage intensive will help you.

Have you been betrayed by your spouses’s affair?

Any type of betrayal is devastating. Affairs are particularly painful for many reasons. You feel violtaed and hurt. Affairs cause the very foundation your marriage is built on to be shaky and the future seems very uncertain. I will help you through the devastation. Find out how - contact me today.

Couples Seminars, Workshops, and Retreats

alt-"Marriage Workshop" Couples thrive in a learning environment with other couples. Couples Workshops are delivered through half day seminars, full day workshops, and couples's weekend retreats throughout the year.
https://www.facesoftheheart.com/sitemap.xml