5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship
By Nina Burleigh
O, The Oprah Magazine | May 15, 2005 . . . Even though this is from a while back these are great tips from the experts to help you stay in love!
Are you ready to take your relationship to a new level? Heed the wisdom of these five experts:
1. “Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed.”
— Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
2. “Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you’re very involved with your partner’s mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right.”
— John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
3. “When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you’re sorry for what you’ve said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner.”
— Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage
4. “With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn’t have to make love like a porn star.You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused.”
— Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First
5. “All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don’t tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you’ll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks.”
— Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love
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From the May 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
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