A Curated Shelf
Marriage & Relationship Books I Recommend
Not a generic list — these are the books I actually point couples to, session after session, because they’ve genuinely helped. Organized by what you’re working through right now.
Attachment & Connection
For understanding why you and your partner react the way you do, and how to build real security between you.
Hold Me Tight
The foundational EFT book — a clear, warm guide to the emotional cycles that keep couples stuck, and how to break them.
Getting the Love You Want (and other Hendrix and Hunt books)
The book behind Imago Dialogue — how our earliest relationships shape who we’re drawn to, and how to heal old wounds together.
Attached
A clear, accessible guide to identifying your attachment style — often the very first book I hand someone starting this work.
Wired for Love (and his other books)
A neuroscience-informed look at how your nervous system shapes conflict — genuinely practical, not just theory.
The Attachment Theory Workbook
A hands-on companion for actually applying attachment concepts to your own relationship, not just reading about them.
Attachments
A clear framework for identifying your own attachment style and how it plays out in your closest relationships.
The Long Game
Imago-informed wisdom on the long view of love, from one of my own Imago instructors.
The Power of Discord
Real research showing that rupture and repair, not constant harmony, is what actually builds secure connection.
The Gottman Method
Research-based, practical tools for the everyday work of a strong marriage.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (and other Gottman titles)
Decades of research turned into practical, real-world habits — the same framework behind my own training.
Affair Recovery & Betrayal
For couples and individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity.
The State of Affairs
A genuinely nuanced look at infidelity — not just the pain of it, but what it can reveal, without excusing the harm.
Mating in Captivity
On desire and monogamy — why closeness and passion can feel like they pull against each other, and how to hold both.
Healing From Infidelity
Practical, structured guidance for the specific work of rebuilding after an affair.
Divorce Busting
For couples trying to pull back from the brink — concrete steps, not just hope.
Infidelity: A Survival Guide
A clear, clinical, compassionate walk through the stages of recovering from betrayal.
When Good People Have Affairs
Helps make sense of why affairs happen to people who never thought they would — without minimizing the hurt.
Infidelity Recovery Workbook
A hands-on, exercise-based companion for doing the actual work of recovery, not just reading about it.
True Connection
Guidance for rebuilding real intimacy after betrayal has broken it.
Not “Just Friends”
A close look at how affairs actually begin — often in ordinary friendships — and how to keep a marriage genuinely safe.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair
Direct, practical guidance written specifically for the partner who strayed and wants to do the repair work well.
You, Him and the Other Woman
Clear, compassionate guidance for the betrayed partner, whatever you ultimately decide about the marriage.
Getting Past the Affair
A structured guide through the early trauma of discovery, with real tools whether you stay together or not.
After the Affair
Original, well-tested strategies for healing and deciding what recommitment actually means for you.
Torn Asunder
A thorough look at the recovery process from both sexual and non-sexual affairs.
Surviving an Affair
A full walk-through of infidelity, from discovery through the restoration of the marriage.
My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
One woman’s honest, personal account of surviving betrayal and finding her way to something stronger.
Shattered Vows
Tools for women navigating sexual betrayal, drawn from the author’s own journey and years of walking with others through it.
Forgive for Good
A proven, research-backed approach to forgiveness — useful far beyond affair recovery alone.
The Divorce Remedy
Attention to infidelity, midlife crises, and “passion meltdowns” — practical steps for reversing even dire situations.
Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)
Not an affair book specifically, but genuinely illuminating on how people justify choices that hurt the people they love.
How Can I Forgive You?
A clear-eyed look at what forgiveness actually requires — and when it’s right to withhold it, in the context of betrayal specifically.
Affair Healing: A Recovery Manual for Betrayed Spouses
A hands-on workbook with real exercises to actively participate in your own healing, not just read passively.
Rebuilding Trust
Practical guidance for the specific, unglamorous work of restoring trust after it’s been broken.
Communication & Conflict
For the daily work of actually hearing each other.
The Five Love Languages
A simple, lasting framework for understanding how you and your partner each experience love differently.
The Art of Communicating (and his other books)
A gentler, more mindful approach to speaking and listening — especially useful when conversations tend to escalate.
Fight Less, Love More
Concrete, small-scale language shifts that genuinely change how arguments unfold.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
A useful reminder that not every couple heals the same way — some through words, some through actions.
The Two of Us: A Three-Year Couple’s Journal
1,000+ daily questions for growing closer — a genuinely simple daily practice for staying connected.
Sync Your Relationship
Practical tools for two busy lives that keep missing each other — timing and rhythm as much as words.
Fear
A gentle guide to meeting fear directly instead of letting it quietly run the relationship.
The Whole Person
Because a marriage can’t heal in pieces — the mind, the body, and the parts of you both.
No Bad Parts (and his other books)
The foundational Internal Family Systems book — a compassionate way of understanding the different “parts” inside each of us.
I Don’t Want to Talk About It, and Us (and his other books)
Direct, honest, unflinching — Real’s work on relational patterns, especially the ones we inherited without realizing it.
Boundaries in Marriage (and the workbook)
Practical guidance for holding boundaries with love, not walls — essential for couples who tend to lose themselves in each other.
The Intimacy Factor
A clear look at how early wounds shape our capacity for closeness as adults.
Loving with the Brain in Mind
Neuroscience made genuinely useful for understanding couple dynamics.
Dan Siegel’s Books
Interpersonal neurobiology — how our brains and relationships shape each other, made accessible.
The New Rules of Marriage
A direct, practical guide to what modern marriages actually need — not the old script, the real one.
Setting Boundaries That Stick
Concrete strategies for holding boundaries even when it feels hardest — not just knowing you should.
Rebuilding & Moving Forward
For whatever comes next — together or apart.
Radical Forgiveness
A genuine framework for forgiveness that doesn’t require minimizing what happened.
The Four Agreements (and companion books)
Simple, lasting principles for living — and loving — with more freedom and less reactivity.
Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
A compassionate guide for anyone navigating the end of a relationship, whatever comes next.
Hot Monogamy
Honest, practical guidance for keeping intimacy alive over the long haul.
Better Sex Through Mindfulness
A grounded, science-backed approach to intimacy that goes beyond the usual advice.
The Act of Marriage (and After 40)
A classic resource for couples wanting to keep intimacy and connection strong through every season.
Personal Growth & Wellbeing
Because a strong marriage starts with two whole people — resilience, self-compassion, and genuine connection to yourself.
Daring Greatly
On vulnerability as strength, not weakness — foundational for anyone learning to show up more fully in love.
When Things Fall Apart
Genuine wisdom for sitting with uncertainty and hard seasons, rather than rushing past them.
What Every Body Is Saying
A practical guide to reading nonverbal cues — genuinely useful for noticing what’s happening beneath the words in a relationship.
Self-Love Workbook
Hands-on exercises for building a genuine, steady relationship with yourself.
Self-Compassion
The foundational book on treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer someone you love.
The Journey From Abandonment to Healing
For anyone carrying old abandonment wounds that keep showing up in current relationships.
The Mind Gym
Practical mental fitness exercises — training your mind the way you’d train your body.
Power vs. Force
A framework for understanding the difference between authentic strength and mere control.
The Heroine’s Journey
A different lens on personal growth and wholeness, especially resonant for women.
A Mind of Its Own
An accessible, honest look at how our own minds sometimes work against us — and what to do about it.
Fill Your Soul
Practical guidance for genuinely replenishing yourself, not just managing burnout.
Resilience
Practices for recovering your equilibrium and growing stronger through difficulty, not just surviving it.
The HeartMath Solution
Practical tools connecting heart and mind — the same HeartMath training woven into my own coaching approach.
Inner Bonding
A structured approach to healing the relationship with yourself, so you show up whole in your relationships with others.
Games Ego Play
Illuminating the subtle ways ego gets in the way of real connection and growth.
The Happiness Factor
Practical, grounded guidance for building genuine happiness, not just chasing it.
Happy for No Reason
Research-backed habits for happiness that isn’t dependent on circumstances.
The Practice
A guide to building sustainable, meaningful daily practices for genuine growth.
Life Is Messy
An honest, grounding reminder that growth doesn’t require everything to be figured out first.
Journey to the Self
A guide for the deeper work of understanding who you are beneath your roles and routines.
When the Past Is Present
How old relational patterns quietly show up in current relationships — and how to finally see them clearly.
Healing Through the Dark Emotions
A compassionate case for letting yourself actually feel grief, fear, and despair, rather than rushing past them.
Heartwounds
On the lasting impact of childhood wounds and how to genuinely heal them as an adult.
Letting Go
A practical framework for releasing the emotions that quietly run our lives.
Love Is Letting Go of Fear
A gentle, accessible guide to choosing love over fear in daily life and relationships.
Learning to Love Yourself
A foundational guide to building genuine self-worth, especially for those who learned to put themselves last.
You Can Heal Your Life
A classic, widely-loved guide to the connection between our thoughts and our capacity to heal.
The Anatomy of Peace
A powerful look at how our own hearts, more than our tactics, shape whether conflict resolves or escalates.
Grief Recovery Workbook
A hands-on companion for genuinely working through loss, not just reading about it.
Loving What Is
A simple, rigorous method for questioning the thoughts that cause the most suffering in relationships.
Become What You Are
Accessible, timeless reflections on living authentically rather than performing a role.
In a Human Voice
A thoughtful exploration of authentic voice and connection, especially in how women have learned to silence themselves.
Practicing Mindfulness
Approachable, everyday mindfulness practices — a genuinely usable starting point, not just theory.
The How of Happiness
Research-backed strategies for building genuine, lasting happiness, not just fleeting good moods.
Beyond Thoughts
A guide to finding stillness and clarity beneath the constant noise of the mind.
The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life
Thoughtful questions for couples to genuinely sit with together, not just check off.
Workbook and Journal for Becoming the One
A hands-on companion for the deeper work of becoming who you actually want to be in love.
Be Loved for Who You Really Are
For men and women alike — genuine guidance on being known and loved as your real self, not a performance.
Forgiveness
A theme worth its own shelf — because so much healing depends on getting this right.
Forgiveness Made Easy
A practical, step-by-step approach to genuine forgiveness, not just the idea of it.
The Magic of Forgiveness
A compassionate exploration of what real forgiveness costs, and what it gives back.
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
Honest, grounded guidance for genuinely forgiving without pretending the hurt didn’t happen.
Trauma & The Body
Because healing, like grief, doesn’t only live in the mind — it lives in the body too.
The Body Keeps the Score
The landmark book on how trauma lives in the body — essential reading for understanding why talk alone isn’t always enough.
Waking the Tiger
A foundational text on somatic healing — how the body processes and releases trauma.
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion
Practical mindfulness practices for genuinely befriending yourself, especially in hard moments.
Attuned
On the collective and relational dimensions of trauma — how it moves between us, not just within us.
Trauma and Memory
A companion to Waking the Tiger, going deeper into how the body remembers what the mind sometimes can’t.
The Grieving Brain
A fascinating, science-grounded look at what grief actually does in the brain — and why healing takes the time it does.
The Somatic Therapy Bible
A comprehensive, practical reference for body-based healing approaches.
For Men
Books that speak directly to the man ready to show up more fully — in his marriage and in himself.
No More Mr. Nice Guy
For the man who’s learned to keep the peace by disappearing — real guidance for reclaiming authentic confidence.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
A classic exploration of mature masculine psychology, beyond the roles most men were handed by default.
The Way of the Superior Man (and his other books)
Direct, unflinching writing on masculine presence and intimacy — resonates deeply with many of the men I work with.
I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You
For the exact sentence I hear all the time — a clear, honest look at what’s really happening when a marriage goes flat.
Reading Helps. Guidance Changes Everything.
A book can point the way — but a marriage in crisis heals fastest with someone walking it with you.
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